What Is A Deadbeat Dad?
73Deadbeat Parent
A deadbeat dad or mom is a term used by the courts and government. It refers to the out and out refusal of the parent to pay child support. Deadbeat parent is a word mainly used in Canada and the United States.
Most states have laws and agencies to deal with deadbeat parents. If the parent can be found, a court hearing will be held to tell them what they owe and set up a payment plan. When parents are behind in child support, one of the things the courts do is force the deadbeat to pay using their tax refunds. At that point, the Department of Revenue is also usually involved. They will set up a payment plan for the parent to pay through the state. This generally means they will make sure the monthly amount owed is taken directly out of the deadbeat parent's paycheck, or unemployment.
If the above mentioned steps fail, the next thing the Department of Revenue will do is make a motion to have the deadbeat parent's drivers license suspended. When they have exhausted all resources, the parent will be thrown in jail. At that point, it becomes counterproductive, for now the deadbeat parent has no chance of being able to pay child support.
My Deadbeat Dad
Although the term "deadbeat" used to define a parent may seem harsh, I very much agree with it. I know how a real dad should act. I was lucky enough to have a step dad in my life who was, and still is, everything a dad should be. I have called him dad since my mom married him, 30 years ago. My step dad was the one who helped me with my homework, coached my softball teams, disciplined me when needed, and walked me down the aisle when I got married. He is the one my children call grandpa. If it were not for him, I have no clue as to the person I would be today.
My "real" father is a deadbeat dad. He is a deadbeat, not only because he never gave my mom a penny in child support, but for several other reasons.
Visitation
When I was a child, my deadbeat dad saw me maybe twice a year. He would promise to come get me, but never show up. This left me absolutely devastated every single time it happened. As I grew older, I always understood that he most likely would not come by to pick me up when he said he would. I never lost my hope for for him. I would believe the excuses he gave to my mom. He never, ever, tried to tell me himself because he was a chicken, in my humble opinion.
Communication
My deadbeat dad rarely called to see how I was doing in school or to check on my health. He didn't even bother to call on birthdays or holidays. As a result of his behavior, I refused to call him on his birthday or for Father's Day. This man had the nerve to lecture my mom, telling her that she was not raising me correctly because I wouldn't call him. Obviously, he was very self absorbed.
Even today, as an adult with 3 children of my own, he is still a deadbeat dad. He never calls me or my children. He shows no interest in his grand children's lives and has never once given them a birthday or Christmas present.
Broken Promises
When I was a child and did get to see my father, he would take me to expensive places such as amusement parks. He'd spend "guilt" money on me, in an attempt to buy my love. He always promised to visit and call more often. My deadbeat dad offered to buy me a new car for my 16th birthday. It didn't happen,of course, but man was I excited.
Jail Time
In 2005, my deadbeat dad went to a federal prison for 5 years on charges of money laundering. Before he went in, he actually had the gall to ask me to come visit him, with my kids. The prison was 8 hours away. I almost laughed in his face, but instead I was respectfully upfront with him and tried to explain all the reasons I would not be visiting him.
When my father got out of prison, I actually believed he would be a changed man. He is still the deadbeat dad he has always been, and the one that I will always try to love. I will never give up the hope that one day he will come around to his senses.
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Do you have a deadbeat dad?
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I'm sorry to hear you had such a rough time of it growing up. It sounds Luke your dad was even worse than mine. I never will understand how those kind if guys can turn their backs on us, their children, their own flesh and blood. I am glad you made it without him, good for you! My dad also had a son later in life, but he decided to pay child support and spend every summer with him. What's up with that? I am still to this day, very confused about it all and just think he is an a hole.
Hi, I have a bit to say, being one is accused of being a deadbeat dad. I didn't run my back on my child, I was ousted out of his life because his Mother wanted to do drugs, and go out and party and have sex. You have on idea what it is like to find out the woman you have been with for fours years has been taking your money and using it to buy drugs for herself and the men she is screwing. I called protective services on her, they investigated, but since we were in separation and going through divorce proceedings, they wouldn't hear a thing I had to say. I went through a severe depression during this period of my life, and even though she knew this, she still made it a point to screw all my friends. She left the state and went to California, where my son who was one yr old at the time was taken into protective custody after she was charged with felony child abuse and neglect. She fled the state and came back here. She never answered to those charges after getting him back from protective services. I am tired of hearing about how women are completely innocent and saintly. I brought her arrest in California up in court with documentation, and her fleeing the charges, but the Prosecutor( a woman), pleaded with the Magistrate( a woman) to ignore my attempt to bring this into evidence against her. When my son was born, I was right there, when he woke at night, I am the one got up to feed him, and change him. She didn't do anything, she never wanted to be a mother, she had a daughter form a previous relationship, who was 11 when we got together, and her daughter was pretty much ignored by her mother, I was justa blind man to what she really was. When we split up, I did everything I could to see my son, but his mother didn't want me in her life because she knew I would interfere with her drug life. Two of the men she had relationships with got arrested while living with her for drug dealing. I spoke with a few different attorneys, and they pretty much told me that in my state the law favors the women. A woman can walk into a courtroom with heroin needle hanging out of her arm, and the magistrate will just say "poor thing". Before you go judging your father, try to find out what really happened, maybe it could have been your Mother's own selfishness that drove your father out of your life. Because this happens a lot!!! God bless, and until you know the whole story, don't be so quick to judge!
drewsmom12 3 months ago
Unfortunately, there are way to many deadbeat dads out there today.. It is a shame to see how many children actually have to live without there dads.. I have not had this experience for my children however growing up I can say I had step dads who could care less whether I was in the picture or not but my own father was a no show most of my life and when he did show up at the age of 16 he had nothing to offer he had many more children to care for so not much ever came of that relationship I do not regret it but at the same time I resent him for leaving me to the government system while he went and had 4 more kids. So yes, I made it without him but I resent him for leaving me behind... As I am sure many children do these days..